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"Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe" ~ Neil Gaiman (A Game of You)

1.01.2011

Resolve

Happy New Year, everyone! Congratulations on surviving 2010, and may 2011 be filled with joy and the accomplishment of your hearts desires.

With that end in mind, I offer you my anti-resolutions:

1. I RESOLVE to NOT follow the latest fad diet in hopes of shaving a few pounds or twenty from my voluptuous thighs.  Eating nothing but raw foods for a month is a detox for my health, not a fad diet, and if I just happen to lose a few pounds while doing it...


2.  I RESOLVE to NOT run a marathon.  Or a 5K.  Or jog around the block.  Face it.  I probably won't even walk to the mailbox.

3.  I RESOLVE to NOT give up chocolateDuh.

4.  I RESOLVE to NOT assign arbitrarily selected word count and deadline goals to my writingExcluding the month of November.  Bah!  Go, go, NaNo!!!!!!

5.  I RESOLVE to NOT have an obsessively clean house.  A clean house is a sign of a disturbed mind... Nature abhors a vacuum -- and so do I... Our house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy... You know you've heard them all.

6.  I RESOLVE to NOT give up any bad habitsBecause I don't have any, do I, honey.  Um, honey?  HONEY?

I think that about covers it.  I am embracing the New Year with the expectation that good intentions coupled with passion will lead me to plenty of worthwhile accomplishments throughout the year.

What are your resolutions for the new year?

*****

Today's prompt from Write Anything's [Fiction] Friday:  

What are your top 5 Anti-Resolutions for the coming year?

(Looks like I cheated again.  Six instead of five.  Tsk, tsk.)

12 comments:

Carrie Dair said...

Oh Shelli, you are so funny. I LOVE your resolutions. I mean, your antiresolutions, I mean your resolutions to not...uh...

I LoVED your blog today. So cute and funny. Just like you. Happy New Year!!!

Renee said...

You made me smile today, Shelli just when I needed it..also gave me a good reminder to not be too ambitious with the goals I have for 2011....Know how to lose weight without dieting? I don't believe in them!

earwaxtasteslikecrayons said...

Love them. I think I'll come up with some anti-resolutions of my own.

Wendy

Heather B. Moore said...

Brilliant. I resolve to continue writing like a maniac and not worry if I get behind on the laundry :-) or if my go-to meal is spaghetti 3x a week!

Rebecca Talley said...

Love these!! Very creative and fun!

Tanya Parker Mills said...

Very funny. I resolve to put off my resolutions till February. By then, everyone else will have begun breaking theirs so that I can feel particularly smug and superior.

Joan Sowards said...

Love your humor and honesty.

Melissa said...

Number 3 is the best! I'm a biased chocoholic though. Great list!

Laura Rachel Fox said...

Just the belly laugh I needed, Shelli.

" Face it. I probably won't even walk to the mailbox." I'm still laughing at this one.

Looks like we're on the same page with the fad diets. My Mom once put me on a grapefruit/toast diet when I was a teen. I'm pretty sure we can call that child endangerment or abuse of some type. The no butter clause was the worst part. Toast with no butter . . . there should be a law.

Shelli said...

Carrie -- Thank you! From one cute and funny gal to another. ;)

Renee -- So glad I could bring a smile to you! We all have days like that, don't we?

Wendy -- I'll keep my eyes out for your anti-resolutions.

Heather -- You just described my childhood! And we all survived just fine.

Thanks, Rebecca!

Tanya -- Brilliant strategy! I may have to adopt it next year. Made me laugh out loud (literally; not just lol).

Thanks, Joan!

Melissa -- From one chocoholic to another, I love the science that says chocolate is good for you.

Laura -- Ouch! I can't imagine trying toast without butter. It's amazing we survived childhood, isnt' it?

Cathryn Grant said...

You're too funny! I love your anti resolutions and may adopt a few. My resolutions all revolve around writing and writing. ;)

Annie said...

snigger.. love them esp the running one..

here are mine

http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2011/01/annies-anti-resolutions-for-new-year.html